Aura of being

It’s really most elaborated experience of my life, most extensive, deeper to understand myself and my humble strive to understand the life as such, the circumstances, the thoughts of others, the events, the happenings, the selfishness of my very own self.

The movement of days and nights, the connectivity between heart and mind , the efforts to make the mind smile while the heart has sunken deeper to unknown abyss, where the darkness rules.

It is so thrilling to understand the complexities and connectivity of heart and mind and the struggle to keep both at one pace. The psychologists say that it is all about mind and the heart is just nothing more than an organ to pump the blood. But when I observe I feel it goes often to darkness and it works inside body like a reactive /thinking organ, it behaves, it replies, it respond, it gets lost, it disappears, it speaks, it listens, it disagrees with mind. This is rare situation of knowing heart and never happens often. Only, I feel, few lucky ones can listen to and understand the language of heart. Only few can communicate within the self and few can be involved in the dialogue between the soul, mind, heart and self.

It is so amazing to understand the self, sort of trying to know the self, only the few fortunate ones can understand the self.

Life is not bed of roses and we make it the bed of thorns more often with our own ventures, with our own willingness while we try to cross the lines of society, while we try to break the traditions, the norms, the conventional morals of the society, while we try to think out of the box, while we try to explore the forbidden lands, the avenues forbidden to soul. Once we enter, it is altogether a different world and we feel scared with the fears of unknown, with the fears of new landscape not allowed to conventional human beings.

But on the face of it, human beings are adventurous; the forbidden land is to be explored by some but not many. Its wondrous, why do we not appreciate the pains, when we appreciate the pleasures of wonderlands? It shows weakness of soul, weakness of mind and heart gets angry on the coward individuals.

In life, what I saw about the self and the intra-personal relationships is, that I, as in me, do not have the patience to wait, do not have the retention for suffering and do not have the courage to face the unknown.

I am apparently , while asking myself ” who am I? “, the merchant of the words… selling them to sell myself and looking for the price and wages in terms of appreciation and that is  what makes me a seller of theory and practically I am the laziest one to action.

written by: Maqbool Ahmed Mirza